Like a lot of people, much of my self-esteem and even how I defined myself was tied up in my appearance. I have always had a nice physique, even when I was a little heavy I always had a big chest and arms to compensate. I would work out with guys ten to fifteen years my junior and crush them on the bench and the pull-up bar.
Being a personal trainer, I have prided myself on looking good by exercising and eating right. Eat right, exercise and feel good about yourself, right? I thought this philosophy was good enough to make me an excellent example for my clients. There is one thing that I never had in my toolbox to make me the best trainer I could be. Empathy. I have never had to make a comeback. I have never known what it is like to return from an injury or being 40 pounds overweight, or trying to get in shape after having a baby. Now I realize you can’t be an excellent trainer until you know what it’s like to return from the abyss.
It was about 5 days after my living donor (Liver) surgery, I was finally able get up and go to the bathroom so I could clean myself up a bit. I stood in front of the mirror and dropped my gown to the floor. I was stunned into silence, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Who was this little withered man in front of me? My chest and shoulders had shrunk and my biceps and triceps had almost disappeared, my body had literally been eating itself. I lost almost 20 pounds in the matter of a week. I stared in disbelief for what seemed like an eternity. I started to feel dizzy and tears began to well up in my eyes as I stared at this hunched over invalid in the mirror. I reached out and touched my reflection just to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
Somehow I managed to brush my teeth and wash up. I climbed back into my hospital bed, closed my eyes and hoped that it was all a dream. I no longer have to assume that this is how someone feels the day they look into a mirror and see only a version of their former selves.
I can say now for sure, that I will never take for granted the pain that my clients are going through, not just the physical pain, but the mental pain too. I will make my comeback, it will be painful and hard work, but I will make my comeback, and I won’t forget.
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